Reciprocation

Reciprocation is the one thing I have never achieved in my almost 23 years of life. Whether it's from a friendship stand point, relationship stand point, or any stand point. I guess I have always been the type of person who puts 100% into every relationship I have, unless I find reason not too. Part of it's my fault....I let myself be the doormat and let the people that are my friends to bail on me, hurt my feelings and whatever...instead of standing up and being like enough. It is also the media's fault as well...they make people like me truly believe that there is someone out there (other than God of your family members) who will put you first, who will find you to be extremely important in their life, and not just their back up. Girls are the worst....they are your close pals..but soon as a guy enters the picture...you are on the back burner by default. I would like to believe that I wouldnt do that to my friends...regardless if I was dating anyone or not...but I don't know...becuase I have never dated anyone who remotely reciprocated my feelings. Even as the girl friend, I was always on the back burner. Sometimes I wonder if some people are only meant for that...and never meant to get beyond that. Maybe some individuals like myself can never come first to anyone, and it's just something that we need to get over..and stop letting the media or books make us believe otherwise. I really wish sometimes I could get over it....I just don't know how.

a large plate.

I feel lately that I have a lot of on my plate. I have this overwhelming dread that I have to face coming up here at the end of December...but I keep telling myself it's a necessary evil.. I also feel pressured that I need to get a job this fall pronto..or else I dont know how I will fullfill the requirements established by the Dept. of Edu....I'd have no problem doing the 24 credits in 6 years, or the Act 48 stuff..it's the other stuff that you cant fulfill unless you HAVE A JOB!!! Sometimes I wish I had more to distract myself with so I dont focus on all that I dread...but until that's over with...my mind and energy is consumed. On a happier note, I get to quit tutoring soon enough here..Thank goodness for that...becuase I HATE IT.

Trip down memory lane.

So my Tio and Tia, who basically are adopted grandparents have known my father since he was 9. Since then, they have saved all cards, pictures, letters and recently gave them to us when they moved into a retirement community. They did this for all of my dad's 7 siblings and my grandparents, extremely impressive. I recently found the packet addressed to my dad. It was really interesting to see the letters that my dad wrote to them when he was in college, and in dating my mom. It also was interesting to read letters from my Mom to them...when Lindsay wasnt born, and then her telling her about Lindsay, to when I was born..and so on. The best was a thank you card I wrote to them..I don't know how old I was. It seriously made me laugh. I also found an old Christmas letter than my parents sent out during our 2nd to last year living on Martha Ave....I added a little blurb about myself which made me laugh hysterically...I was in 5th grade at the time and basically complained how I had to play with 4th graders. You had to read it to be amused. It was just really neat to get a perspective and to see how involved this beloved couple was not only in my life, but to my parents as well. Tio and Tia are now in their mid-80s...I just hope they know how important they are to all our lives. It just reminds me how I need to do a better job letting the people in my life know that I appreciate them....you just never know where life will take you.