Is it October yet? As months go by the wedding is becoming more of a reality (yay) than something far off in the distance!! I got to go over wedding music today...and got to hear the lovely Abbie Hoffman kill the songs. I am so lucky to have such a voice sing at my wedding!! In other news.....once again on the summer job hunt. Not only does it suck being a teaching without a full time job, but sucks as well because schools are out in the summer...and you can't substitute teach. So unless you find a cool summer camp, you are back to the grind of the job hunt.
I cannot even begin to talk about how sick I am with the job hunt process. I dread it because I recognize that unless I get a summer camp (I've been fortunate the past 2 years to be able to work at Summer Camps) which I didn't this year thanks to a technology glitch, then I am going to be doing something that I absolutely HATE. I really would like to try to stay something relevant to my major...however..the oppotunites in summer aren't good. The other obstacle I face is finding someone that will hire me when my weekends in June are occupied completely and I move out of the area here come October. My sister suggested I find a job close to my new home...but that's a challenge with limited transportation and gas prices this summer. As I was rambling about earlier....there aren't many options available to me that are relevant. Right now my options are work at a dreaded Daycare (such as Goddard) and be completely miserable, work at a restaurant and be miserable, or clean for people and be miserable. Not to mention I have 3 grad classes crammed into 5 weeks...2 from June to July and one from July to August. Yikes. Fortunately...I have found a temporary job that I potentially could love. It's being a food taster and researcher!! I have always thought how awesome it would be to do such a job..and have always said that if I didnt go to school to become a teacher..I would have gone to be a chef. This job is ideal cause I would make just as much as I would subbing each week (if not a bit more)..but it's only 3 days a week from 9-1, leaving me with plenty of time to do my schoolwork and visit my most awesome Fiance in the world!
Sadly though, I am not getting too excited. Typically I get so excited for something only to be rejected. I am the QUEEN of rejection. Some people are very fortunate..it seems to me that they really never have to work hard for anything and opportunities just fall into their laps. I on the otherhand...work so hard for everything only to achieve nothing. It's really frustrating and I cant help but to be completely jealous and envious of others who have things ALWAYS work out for them. For me, things are often more difficult than they need or should be and most of the time it ends in rejection. Doesn't matter how much effort I put into something or how many interviews I go on..I should just accept that the end result is ALWAYS rejection. You can argue that I have a very negative outlook and it won't help my situation....but reality is reality....and when you are constantly seeing good things happen for everyone around you...you begin to feel resentful. It's an awful feeling and I have been praying and struggling with this personal battle. It is just so hard to be hopeful and optimistic in these times. I just wish sometimes I would get a huge break. Don't get me wrong..I am extremely grateful for the things I have in my life and the people. I know things could always be worse than they are. I am just saddened that my goal in life is to be an elementary teacher...and it's quite possible that I may never get to achieve this dream. It's really depressing knowing you paid so much money and invested so much time into something you love, and you never get to do anything with it unless it's on a day-to-day substitute basis which gets really old. Another depressing realization I have arrived at is that I may never have a job I absolutely love...I may have to just do meaningless work just to make ends meet. I have always been told that if you work hard and put your mind too it...you can do anything in life. I have worked so hard and put my mind into this teaching gig.....and nothing has yet to pay off. I honestly don't even know if I believe in that ideology anymore.
Sighhhhh
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
When your wedding is no longer about you....
It's funny.....I have been told that my wedding is about me and my Fiance....guess what!! It's not! It's bascially about whatever everyone else wants and they dont even take you into consideration. I have been so incredibly patient in this process but now that tiny bridezilla attitude is slowly coming out. From the ridiculousness of the Church in which I am getting married at....to my parents...I am starting to go nutty!! Why can't I get a say in something?! Heck..if the church gets their way.....I won't even get to have who I want to sing at my wedding. It's just such an injustice and this is why so many people turn away from the Catholic church. First.....I was forced to sign my life away...or my future children's lives away. I had to sign that I would raise them Catholic. Okay....not so big of an issue...except Mark isn't Catholic and I love how the church ignores his faith and his beliefs....and they are just like sooo what....they gotta be Catholic. Next....this stupid choir director and her high horse. I am not allowed any outside accompianists, and my singer has to be deemed "an accomplished Christian singer." Why does my singer have to prove anything? She is who I want to sing...I don't want the horrendously awful people they have at my Church...my ears don't want to bleed at my own wedding thank you!! And finally.....we meet with the priest.....decide that we shouldn't do Communion or honor Mary thing because Mark isn't Catholic...so it does not make sense too. Come home...tell the parents...they freak out and Dad insists he's calling the priest and raising hell about it! This is a sure way to push your kids away from the Catholic faith. Plus....again...NO ONE IS EVEN TAKING MARK INTO CONSIDERATION!! HE IS NOT CATHOLIC......SO WHY SHOULD THEIR EVEN BE COMMUNION WHEN HE CANT HAVE IT!!!!! Ughhh....sooo annoying. When your parents aren't ridiculously hardcore, Catholicism is a great thing. Except my parents are insane about it.....and as strong as my faith is....sometimes I wish I was another denomination because over the course of my life I have missed out on so many great opportunites because of their ridiculousness. It makes me resent being Catholic..which is awful to say...but it's true. My younger sister is prime example of this. I will never ever push my kids (even when they are adults) into doing things my way religiously speaking. Faith is a personal thing...but my parents make it an obligation....and that's not how it should be. Then they turn things around...and make it sound like I am unchristian and that I have no faith. I am just so sick of it...and can't wait to be free to make my own decisions.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Melissa's expert advice (haha)
Wow...I am what you call a Blogger failure. I just always forget and occupy myself with other things in my life. Like my 3 grade classes......which I like 2 out 3 classes....my last one is AWFUL. I cant wait for May 6 when it's over....and hopefully I won't fail it between now and then cause this professor is all over the place!!!
In other news....my mother LOVES to make me feel oh so good about the job hunt (and I mean this in the most sarcastic fashion ever). Translation.. I am screwed...especially with the major budget cuts. She actually said, "I wonder if you should even continue towards your Masters." That sure makes me feel good when she's confirming my fear that I am paying all this money and it won't make a difference. I guess what is probably going to happen is I am going to be doing a job I hate...like working in a day care where I am not teaching...just babysitting, changing diapers, and making virtually nowhere near what I should be with my degree.
So all of you future college students out there...DO NOT attend school for elementary teaching. People are not retiring and schools are simply not hiring. I suggest do something that has a great need...like medical field (if you can handle the intensity of those classes) or social work. Or if you are wanting to teach badly...go for Special Education. I could never do it..as this was confirmed when I was tricked into subbing in a Learning support room last week. However, I believe there are people at there that have a special gift and could really help children out.
Another bit of advice....if you are planning on getting married....ELOPE or do Justice of the PEace. It will save you the ridiculousness that you have to go through and a lot of money. I of course...am referring to the ridculousness that I have encountered via St. Ferdinand's. Seriously...I don't ask for much..all I want is Abbie to sing at my wedding...and that is such a huge issue. Good Gravy.
Last, and this is one I struggle to remember....but don't lose faith in the power of prayer. I will admit...I have my moments of self doubt and I think that I can pray about lots of things and nothing comes of it and that it's a waste of time. However...recently I've been reading an inspirational book that tells about people's real experiences with the power of prayer. Recently, I kinda experienced a small miracle of my own. I said a prayer in church that my aunt and uncle sell their house soon so they can move, and sure enough they sold it the very next day!! Now if only my prayers could be answered about employment...however....I believe that for some reason there's a purpose to it all. Maybe God decided that he wants me to do something else in my life that I couldn't do if I had my own classroom...or possibly he wants me to work on my patience (which is severely lacking). In the end, I can't complain. I am the happiest I've ever been , my friends and family are safe and healthy, and I get to marry my best best friend in the whole entire world in October.
Anyhow.....I have to get back to my schoolwork after procrastinating a bit...later!!
In other news....my mother LOVES to make me feel oh so good about the job hunt (and I mean this in the most sarcastic fashion ever). Translation.. I am screwed...especially with the major budget cuts. She actually said, "I wonder if you should even continue towards your Masters." That sure makes me feel good when she's confirming my fear that I am paying all this money and it won't make a difference. I guess what is probably going to happen is I am going to be doing a job I hate...like working in a day care where I am not teaching...just babysitting, changing diapers, and making virtually nowhere near what I should be with my degree.
So all of you future college students out there...DO NOT attend school for elementary teaching. People are not retiring and schools are simply not hiring. I suggest do something that has a great need...like medical field (if you can handle the intensity of those classes) or social work. Or if you are wanting to teach badly...go for Special Education. I could never do it..as this was confirmed when I was tricked into subbing in a Learning support room last week. However, I believe there are people at there that have a special gift and could really help children out.
Another bit of advice....if you are planning on getting married....ELOPE or do Justice of the PEace. It will save you the ridiculousness that you have to go through and a lot of money. I of course...am referring to the ridculousness that I have encountered via St. Ferdinand's. Seriously...I don't ask for much..all I want is Abbie to sing at my wedding...and that is such a huge issue. Good Gravy.
Last, and this is one I struggle to remember....but don't lose faith in the power of prayer. I will admit...I have my moments of self doubt and I think that I can pray about lots of things and nothing comes of it and that it's a waste of time. However...recently I've been reading an inspirational book that tells about people's real experiences with the power of prayer. Recently, I kinda experienced a small miracle of my own. I said a prayer in church that my aunt and uncle sell their house soon so they can move, and sure enough they sold it the very next day!! Now if only my prayers could be answered about employment...however....I believe that for some reason there's a purpose to it all. Maybe God decided that he wants me to do something else in my life that I couldn't do if I had my own classroom...or possibly he wants me to work on my patience (which is severely lacking). In the end, I can't complain. I am the happiest I've ever been , my friends and family are safe and healthy, and I get to marry my best best friend in the whole entire world in October.
Anyhow.....I have to get back to my schoolwork after procrastinating a bit...later!!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Whoops...havent posted in a long while!!
It's been a long long time since I have updated this blog....but I felt the need to update and list some of the greatest things of 2010...after all..............a year has flown by and my has my life changed!!!!
TOP 5 OF 2010:
1.) January 6- This was an excellent day as I started dating the love of my life and got a long term sub job at Harrisburg. Harrisburg actually ended up not being a very good experience...but I feel that it has made me stronger and in some ways...helped me grow up!! Not to mention it was fun living with my cousins and watching Nina's first year of life!!!
2.) July- This summer I got the opportunity to teach in the city of Pittsburgh for the Summer Dreamers Academy. It was such a great opportunity and I really enjoyed myself and I really hope I get to repeat the experience this summer!
3.) August-November- Subbing....I am fortunate that I able to continue building on my teaching experiences by teaching students all over....would be nice if I had my own classroom..but at least it's some source of income...even though subbing has not been as plentiful as I would like!
4.) Thanksgiving 2010- This year I was able to go to Boston and New Hampshire with my Fiance (boyfriend at the time!!) and his family. It was sooooooo fun and I really enjoyed meeting my future extended family. Definitely the best Thanksgiving I have ever had in my life.
5.) December 2010- December has been a crazy exciting month! I decided to go back to Grad School in January, Mark finished grad school (wootness!!!).....I got to take Mark to Hershey Candylane and he got to meet some of my favoritest people ever!! In addition I got to share a Vanilla Coke and Chocolate Ice cream experience with my favorite person ever...pure bliss!!
To top 2010 off...December 23rd ...Mark proposed to me and I am overjoyed to be marrying him on October 8, 2011. There is nothing better in life than knowing that you get to spend the rest of your life with your bestest friend in the entire world. Some people ask me why in the world I want to get married so quickly...and I have to say...why wait when you know it's right!!
So that's 2010 in a nutshell.....It was a great year with some ups and downs....but mostly ups!! I know that 2011 is simply going to be amazing...even though I will have the stress of having to do school work, sub, and plan a wedding!! It will all be worth it in the end!!
TOP 5 OF 2010:
1.) January 6- This was an excellent day as I started dating the love of my life and got a long term sub job at Harrisburg. Harrisburg actually ended up not being a very good experience...but I feel that it has made me stronger and in some ways...helped me grow up!! Not to mention it was fun living with my cousins and watching Nina's first year of life!!!
2.) July- This summer I got the opportunity to teach in the city of Pittsburgh for the Summer Dreamers Academy. It was such a great opportunity and I really enjoyed myself and I really hope I get to repeat the experience this summer!
3.) August-November- Subbing....I am fortunate that I able to continue building on my teaching experiences by teaching students all over....would be nice if I had my own classroom..but at least it's some source of income...even though subbing has not been as plentiful as I would like!
4.) Thanksgiving 2010- This year I was able to go to Boston and New Hampshire with my Fiance (boyfriend at the time!!) and his family. It was sooooooo fun and I really enjoyed meeting my future extended family. Definitely the best Thanksgiving I have ever had in my life.
5.) December 2010- December has been a crazy exciting month! I decided to go back to Grad School in January, Mark finished grad school (wootness!!!).....I got to take Mark to Hershey Candylane and he got to meet some of my favoritest people ever!! In addition I got to share a Vanilla Coke and Chocolate Ice cream experience with my favorite person ever...pure bliss!!
To top 2010 off...December 23rd ...Mark proposed to me and I am overjoyed to be marrying him on October 8, 2011. There is nothing better in life than knowing that you get to spend the rest of your life with your bestest friend in the entire world. Some people ask me why in the world I want to get married so quickly...and I have to say...why wait when you know it's right!!
So that's 2010 in a nutshell.....It was a great year with some ups and downs....but mostly ups!! I know that 2011 is simply going to be amazing...even though I will have the stress of having to do school work, sub, and plan a wedding!! It will all be worth it in the end!!
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