Random things...

Is it October yet? As months go by the wedding is becoming more of a reality (yay) than something far off in the distance!! I got to go over wedding music today...and got to hear the lovely Abbie Hoffman kill the songs. I am so lucky to have such a voice sing at my wedding!! In other news.....once again on the summer job hunt. Not only does it suck being a teaching without a full time job, but sucks as well because schools are out in the summer...and you can't substitute teach. So unless you find a cool summer camp, you are back to the grind of the job hunt.


I cannot even begin to talk about how sick I am with the job hunt process. I dread it because I recognize that unless I get a summer camp (I've been fortunate the past 2 years to be able to work at Summer Camps) which I didn't this year thanks to a technology glitch, then I am going to be doing something that I absolutely HATE. I really would like to try to stay something relevant to my major...however..the oppotunites in summer aren't good. The other obstacle I face is finding someone that will hire me when my weekends in June are occupied completely and I move out of the area here come October. My sister suggested I find a job close to my new home...but that's a challenge with limited transportation and gas prices this summer. As I was rambling about earlier....there aren't many options available to me that are relevant. Right now my options are work at a dreaded Daycare (such as Goddard) and be completely miserable, work at a restaurant and be miserable, or clean for people and be miserable. Not to mention I have 3 grad classes crammed into 5 weeks...2 from June to July and one from July to August. Yikes. Fortunately...I have found a temporary job that I potentially could love. It's being a food taster and researcher!! I have always thought how awesome it would be to do such a job..and have always said that if I didnt go to school to become a teacher..I would have gone to be a chef. This job is ideal cause I would make just as much as I would subbing each week (if not a bit more)..but it's only 3 days a week from 9-1, leaving me with plenty of time to do my schoolwork and visit my most awesome Fiance in the world!


Sadly though, I am not getting too excited. Typically I get so excited for something only to be rejected. I am the QUEEN of rejection. Some people are very fortunate..it seems to me that they really never have to work hard for anything and opportunities just fall into their laps. I on the otherhand...work so hard for everything only to achieve nothing. It's really frustrating and I cant help but to be completely jealous and envious of others who have things ALWAYS work out for them. For me, things are often more difficult than they need or should be and most of the time it ends in rejection. Doesn't matter how much effort I put into something or how many interviews I go on..I should just accept that the end result is ALWAYS rejection. You can argue that I have a very negative outlook and it won't help my situation....but reality is reality....and when you are constantly seeing good things happen for everyone around you...you begin to feel resentful. It's an awful feeling and I have been praying and struggling with this personal battle. It is just so hard to be hopeful and optimistic in these times. I just wish sometimes I would get a huge break. Don't get me wrong..I am extremely grateful for the things I have in my life and the people. I know things could always be worse than they are. I am just saddened that my goal in life is to be an elementary teacher...and it's quite possible that I may never get to achieve this dream. It's really depressing knowing you paid so much money and invested so much time into something you love, and you never get to do anything with it unless it's on a day-to-day substitute basis which gets really old. Another depressing realization I have arrived at is that I may never have a job I absolutely love...I may have to just do meaningless work just to make ends meet. I have always been told that if you work hard and put your mind too it...you can do anything in life. I have worked so hard and put my mind into this teaching gig.....and nothing has yet to pay off. I honestly don't even know if I believe in that ideology anymore.


Sighhhhh