Reciprocation

Reciprocation is the one thing I have never achieved in my almost 23 years of life. Whether it's from a friendship stand point, relationship stand point, or any stand point. I guess I have always been the type of person who puts 100% into every relationship I have, unless I find reason not too. Part of it's my fault....I let myself be the doormat and let the people that are my friends to bail on me, hurt my feelings and whatever...instead of standing up and being like enough. It is also the media's fault as well...they make people like me truly believe that there is someone out there (other than God of your family members) who will put you first, who will find you to be extremely important in their life, and not just their back up. Girls are the worst....they are your close pals..but soon as a guy enters the picture...you are on the back burner by default. I would like to believe that I wouldnt do that to my friends...regardless if I was dating anyone or not...but I don't know...becuase I have never dated anyone who remotely reciprocated my feelings. Even as the girl friend, I was always on the back burner. Sometimes I wonder if some people are only meant for that...and never meant to get beyond that. Maybe some individuals like myself can never come first to anyone, and it's just something that we need to get over..and stop letting the media or books make us believe otherwise. I really wish sometimes I could get over it....I just don't know how.