Fears..

I realized that basically all of my life I never was afraid of anything until now. Most kids had nightmares from scary movies, or may have thought there were monsters under their beds, or maybe were afraid of spiders..but not me. I never slept with a blanky...never slept with a stuffed animal...I just wasnt afraid. Now, I find myself with a lot of fears and anxiety..and I guess that's just part of growing up. All of my life I have worked really hard to get what I want...and have most of the time always succeeded..but now I feel like I have been working so hard and not going anywhere. I can sub at various schools and districts and do my absolute best..and still not get a job. I feel like this time moving out East holds a lot of pressure. I feel like if I don't get a job somewhere this Fall....then I've failed at the one thing I have vowed to never fail at. I really don't know how to deal with that kind of pressure and weight on my shoulders. I also fear of becoming completely detached from people that are so involved in my life today....or just always being alone in life. I fear certain conversations that will arise within the next 48 hours....and tyically talking is something I never fear! Go figure. It's just ironic how life comes full circle. I just sometimes wish I could predict my future and see what all the trouble and heart ache is for...and why I keep trying so hard.